Tales of the Parodyverse

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Spaztic Chyld
Thu Aug 03, 2006 at 02:56:54 am EDT
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The Reluctant Superhero -- PART IV
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Late one evening, after a particularly rough day, Jacob decided to take a small jaunt around town to clear his head. So, he hopped in his VW Minivan and cruised on down to some of his old haunts in Seattle. He stopped at the Ballard Locks and parked his car. Walking with no destination in mind, he somehow found himself on the opposite side of Lake Union, looking up at the I-5 Bridge. Tall and ominous in the evening light, he was suddenly aware of how dangerous this part of town was.

Under the bridge itself, there were several groups of people making their beds for the night, setting up cardboard and laying down newspapers. Others were more equipped with sleeping bags or blankets. The one thing out of place in the midst of it all was him.

A chill ran down his spine as he passed the place where the bus drove off of the bridge just a few years earlier because some desperate man shot the driver. Almost clear of all of the hungry lookers, Jacob gazed skyward to see the patch where the repair crews had fixed the bridge.

As he looked at the spot in the dim light, he thought he saw movement. Then, he was certain of it. Someone was climbing over the rail. “But why?” he asked himself. “Perhaps they’re base-jumping or something.” Just as thought completed, the person jumped. Jacob waited to see what kind of parachute they were using, but suddenly realized he was witnessing a suicide attempt!

For the first time in his life, Jacob went into action without thinking of the consequences. As he shot off of the ground, two bridge-dwellers dropped their whiskey simultaneously and looked at one another as if to ask, “Did you see that?” Jacob had no clue whether or not he could carry another person, nor if he could catch them in time. Only one word repeated over and over in his mind, as he flew through the air at incredible speed, “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!”

Jacob caught the person about twenty feet from the ground and flipped as he did so, because he wasn’t used to sudden changes in weight. Righting himself, he heard the person scream, revealing that he had caught a woman. She went limp in his arms as she must have realized she wasn’t anywhere near the ground and was, in fact, over Lake Union, quite a ways from where she had just jumped from.

Jacob flew low over the water and landed in Gasworks Park. He set the woman on a bench near where one of his father's friends, Officer McFahy, would take his midnight break and scribbled a note, describing what had happened. As he looked at the note, Jacob couldn’t help but laugh to himself. “No way he’ll believe it,” he said aloud, “but at least she wreaks of enough alcohol that they’ll put her away for a night.”

“What am I thinking!” He picked up the note and put it back in his pocket, “If they analyze the handwriting on this note, they’ll know it was me!” The repercussions of his actions suddenly flooded his brain and he began to sweat. Fear, anger and frustration filled his mind. Suddenly, off in the distance, he heard the familiar Irish tune, “Kevin Barry,” being whistled… and it was getting closer!

Jacob couldn’t think of anything but up. And up he went! As he rose above the trees, he saw Officer McFahy walking up to the bench where the woman sat unconscious. And, as was his luck, a pebble that was stuck to his shoe fell and landed on the policeman’s head, causing him to look up!

“She just tried to jump off of the I-5 Bridge across the lake.” Jacob called down to a white-faced policeman who couldn’t believe his eyes. “She fainted on the way over here.” Jacob hoped it’d been long enough that Officer McFahy wouldn’t recognize his voice.

“Who are you?” came the distant voice of the policeman as Jacob started to fly away.

A wave of relief hit him and he turned and answered whole-heartedly, “Just a friend.” And with that, he flew back to his VW Minivan and went home.

***

The next day, Jacob turned on the news thinking he would hear some bit on a flying man, but was a bit relieved and upset that there wasn’t. He was relieved because a big part of him was still in shock from the whole event- enough that he called in sick to work- and upset because he had hoped to hear if the woman was all right. “Oh well.” he said as he plopped on his couch and turned the TV to the Cartoon Network.

When his phone rang, about an hour later, Jacob almost didn’t answer, but then gave in. “Hello?”

“Is this Jacob Turner?”

“Yes, but if this is a sales call, a ‘special offer,’ or some other telemarketing scheme, I’m not interested and please remove me from your list.”

“Jacob, it’s me, Jayson. Jayson Childs." Jacob's jaw dropped. "Hey. We need to talk.”

Jacob went silent and dropped the phone on the couch.

“Jacob? Jacob, are you still there?”







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